Stay in Touch

Oh my goodness, it’s been months. It was last October when I posted here. I’m pretty sure that’s not sticking with my plan. Rest assured, I have an impressive array of excuses.

Mostly I have had my head in many things theatrical and have taken a hiatus from that. I will get these thoughts on the Steps rounded up and then figure out what to talk about next.

Thanks to all those who stick with me… bot or not.

Step 11:

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

This step has the most words and the simplest message… Stay in contact with your Higher Power because you’ve got a job to do, and you won’t know what that is unless you ask.

If we’ve been paying attention, we will notice we’ve stepped into a different realm. We go to meetings for different reasons now; we call others in recovery from a genuine place, and we seek the new person to help share with them the experience, strength, and hope that was shared with us not that long ago. The most important thing we’ve discovered is that we are no longer doing anything alone.

What is prayer and/or meditation for you?

Early in the program you might have heard that prayer was talking and meditation was listening. That could certainly be considered the Cliff Notes version of what is meant in this Step. I would be lying if I said I didn’t still struggle with the first part of this Step. It goes straight to the heart of my perfectionism, which tells me I can’t do these things right. So naturally if I can’t do them right why do them at all.

Admittedly, I pray today when I’m stressed out. This doesn’t work as well as making a daily practice of prayer. I always feel better after I pray. Better yet after I pray on my knees. So why don’t I do it? There’s the mystery of my small universe. Struggling with the “Daily Practice.”

Those who know me well, or must endure meetings with me have heard me preach the gospel of the Daily Practice. I know it saved me in my early recovery. Like a man saved from drowning touts the attributes of a life jacket, I tell anyone who’ll listen about the morning and the evening prayer.

My first sponsor, who I thought knew everything, gave me a few simple instructions. Ask Him for help in the morning and then thank Him at night. Pretty simple instructions. Something a newcomer couldn’t over think. That simple Daily Practice along with some other things allowed me to make it through that day without drinking. I remained diligent to that practice for over 10 years. Then I slowly stopped.

I stumbled through four more years until I was fired from my job, found myself in grave financial difficulties and was going to about one meeting a month. If you’ve been there, you know what that looks like. I didn’t take a drink, but every other defect of character had rejoined the party that was me without a Daily Practice and therefore without a program of recovery.

I was luckier than many I have known. I was able to get back to it with a fervor I hadn’t known before. Today, the Daily Practice is in place and it keeps me from going the wrong direction. The practice itself looks a little different. It’s often prayer and meditation, but sometimes it’s not. I’m a writer, so writing everyday is important. Writing this blog is like a daily practice. The truth is I’m human and sometimes I forget to pray and sometimes I forget to write. I just celebrated 37 years of sobriety, and I no longer feel the need to beat myself up for inconsistencies in my program of recovery.

Because I no longer complicate things, I can be more pragmatic and look at things as they are. What does the Step say? It says that through praying and meditating I seek to improve my efforts at talking and listening to God. Anyway, that’s what I see.

Why only the knowledge of his will and the power to carry it out?

As I mentioned in the first paragraph one of the gifts of recovery is that I have a solemn purpose to achieve. Without constant contact with a Power greater than myself, I won’t be equipped to carry out that purpose.

The words in this Step are very specific. I am to pray for the knowledge of God’s will for me. This seemed pretty big at first. I heard people at meetings talking about knowing what God’s Will for them was. The more I listened the more complicated it became for me. I continued to listen whenever this step was discussed and felt like I was missing the important part. Suddenly, it dawned on me.

Remember the praying is talking and meditation is listening part? That’s it. What I believe today is God’s Will for me is what’s in front of me to do. Can I do it? Of course, I’ve asked for the power to carry it out. Everything this program had been trying to teach me became clear at once. It’s a day at a time. First things first. Easy does it. Let go and let God. Do the next right thing.

When I heard people say that God puts no more in your day than you can handle, this is what they are talking about. You have a job to do and you won’t know what you’re supposed to do unless you ask.

Does this mean you can’t pray for other people or yourself?

Truthfully, you can pray for whatever you want. No limits. Prayer is a very powerful thing. 

What the step says is, “praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.” When we practice Step 11, that’s what we are doing. I am asking for the power to do what is in front of me. I am not asking for the power to heal others, win the lottery or take away other people’s difficulties. That kind of power I don’t have.

I am hopeful that others who suffer as I did will find their way to this program. When they show up, I have a job to do that sometimes I’m good at and some times I stink at. Regardless, I will ask for help to make sure I give it my best shot.