My car blew up this week (replace-the-engine blew up). And I’m on the final countdown to opening a show in my local community theater. I’m a little late with this as a result, but a few extra hours are worth it.
I’ve combined two steps because of their closeness in content and spirit.
Step 4:
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
What is a moral inventory?
Moral, in this case, means “truth.” A common misinterpretation of this Step is in the word moral. I won’t suggest that people misinterpret the word, but over time, they have misinterpreted the meaning.
Old-timers will tell you that everything you need to do this step is in the book. I can tell you from personal experience that this is only true after you do the Step. Before that, not so much.
The “inventory” is, as described in Alcoholics Anonymous, an attempt to identify a person’s assets and liabilities. The next purpose is to determine what to keep and what to discard. The third, although unwritten, is to discover those things about yourself that you are going to talk about in your Fifth Step – the defects of character.
How this is accomplished has a wide range of explanations and details. There are probably more resources available for the completion of this step than with the other eleven steps combined. However, the instructions and ponderous guides on “how to do the step” are not the step. It should also be noted that years of Fourth Step preparation have led to the writing of many “immoral” inventories. This is the list of all the dirty, rotten things they have done and should feel sorry about.
The simple objective of the Fourth Step is to finally take an action that will allow you to discover those things about yourself that are blocking you from God and other people. The step following this one covers what you will do with those things you’ve discovered.
Doesn’t this just help you beat yourself up?
Beating myself up is a choice. I don’t think any of the steps either condone or reject that notion. If looking closely at all the things I have thought, done, or believed and making the decision that some of these things are wrong and need to change is “beating myself up,” then so be it.
Over the years I have watched the interaction of people in recovery ranging from sternly confronting to cluelessly warm and fuzzy. I believe all approaches work if they are based in a sincere desire to help. I also believe the 12-Steps aren’t for everyone. They are, however, for anyone who wants them and are willing to go to any lengths to get them.
That includes beating yourself up if that’s how you want transfigurative self-discovery to be described. This process will change you and there will be scars.
Step 5:
Step 5:
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
How did you choose the person to admit wrongs to?
This does seem to pose a quandary sometimes because the completion of the 4th and 5th step have become somewhat systematized through treatment and published “self-help” manuals. The important thing about the 5th step is to share it with someone who won’t misunderstand. Some say that it should be done with a person’s sponsor. Others use the idea in the Big Book of a priest or other ordained figure. (The word “sponsor” was not widely used or have the same definition as is does today when the book was published). This is rarely as daunting as it may appear. A person who has made the effort to complete the 4th step is usually quite eager to complete a 5th step as well. The bottom line is there are plenty of people available to “hear” a fifth step and it just comes down to who you might be comfortable sharing your “life story.”
Can you describe admitting the exact nature of your wrongs to them?
First you have to be clear about the definition of “wrongs.” These are really the defects of character that a person has been able to disclose (uncover) while writing the 4th step. The end result of working this step must be a final accounting of those things that are blocking us from God and from others. It’s important to note that we are to admit these in a three-way conversation – we hear them, another person hears them and God hears them. This process is pretty thorough in practice and in informing the person taking the step of their defects of character. This understanding becomes the foundation from which a person’s recovery can move forward.
Did you dwell to much on steps 4 and 5?
At the time I did my first 4th and 5th step I spent a great deal of time on them. In fact, because the book (as well as anybody I spoke to) said that it was important to be thorough or I might start drinking again. So I spent a lot of time digging up every dirty rotten thing I had ever done. I truly missed the reason for these steps.
Although this is technically the last time we get to be totally selfish and make what we are doing “all about us,” I don’t adhere to the belief that we need to make a list of our “good things.” To me, this is just another form of self-aggrandizement. This is a way for me to soften the blow. Frankly, I’ve yet to meet anyone who was “warm-fuzzied” into recovery. I think this whole process is a long, hard look at what I am doing – just me – to keep God and others away. Focusing on my “positives” at this point is just a distraction like all the kids who play soccer get a medal. I have serious work ahead of me and will need all the attention I can muster.
Did you not take them seriously enough?
I did. Others may not. I overcompensated, but then doing things to excess has never been a problem. I do that all the time.
Question for viewer:
Notes from the Half Measures Seats 